Volcanic Inquietude

Here in the great northwest we are currently experiencing what they call "Volcanic Unrest." I know this because I received a Notice of Volcanic Unrest memo. Apparently the volume of seismic activity has the super geeks at USGS a wee nervous about our friend Helen. Fair enough, I trust them on this. But it got me to thinking about Volcanic Unrest.

If you look up "unrest," the definition you get care of Merriam-Webster online is: a disturbed uneasy state. I'm not sure what that would mean exactly with respect to a volcano. Why is it disturbed and uneasy? Is it angry? Are you sure it's not just "mildly agitated?" Has it really progressed to a full state of unrest already?

It makes you wonder how they chose the word unrest. Other words they could have used: disquiet, disquietude, ferment, inquietude, restiveness, restlessness, turmoil. Maybe what they think is unrest is really just fermenting or turmoil. Somehow those sound a little less disconcerting than "unrest."

Actually, I've noticed now that we have been upgraded to a Volcanic Advisory since yesterday. Wow, this must be pretty serious if it's now an "Advisory." That's the third of four levels. Guess what level four is . . . *BOOM*

Apparently they are thinking it may only be a "small eruption." This is because the volcano is only emitting a small amount of gas. Well, that's why the volcano is unrested! It has gas! Can't we just throw a little Beano down there or something? Maybe a little TUMS? I think we can resolve this "unrest" situation pretty easily. No need for stress and panic. No need to put people into a state of unrest. Just a volcano-sized roll of TUMS and we'll all be fine.