One Good Guy?
Cruising the Craig's List personals is always amusing, occasionally interesting, and once in a blue moon, fruitful. As a spinster (aka - single woman in my 30's), I've come to the realization that you do not meet men in bars. You meet "guys" in bars, especially in a college town. Now, guys can be entertaining and sometimes even diverting but the whole "bar scene" is so plastic that it just makes me nauseous.
But I digress . . .
I was cruising Craig's List personals, right, and I come across this ad for "One Good Guy." So I open it up and there is this laundry list of questions and if you can't answer "no" to all of them, apparently you're not good enough for him. For example: if you think you have more than 10 pounds to lose, if you drink more than 3 drinks a week, if you have ever said to anybody "all guys want is sex" - so far, he's ruled out just about every woman I know.
After I stopped laughing, I realized this guy doesn't really want a woman, he wants a golden retriever. Some very sweet, affectionate, minimally intelligent creature with no true life experiences of any kind to disturb his delicate equanimity, that will smile at him happily and come when he calls. Or maybe a robot - no emotion, no pre-programming of any kind, just an empty drone that he can program himself. He said no drugs or I would have included women on Prozac.
Is this it? Is this what is out there? To my knowledge, there isn't a human being (male or female) over 10 who doesn't have some baggage about something. Life is messy and sometimes experiences leave a permanent impression, it's what makes us human. Perfection is boring and predictable, it's our flaws that make us interesting. Mr. One Good Guy, you need to get off that high horse or you will continue to find yourself riding alone.
posted by NorthwestBabe @ 11:35 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Ok, I agree with you that life is messy and that everyone has baggage. But, this guy is not asking you if you are perfect in an objective sense. It seems from what you said he knows what he wants and is not willing to settle for close. So many of the women I have dated told me I was great and then tried to change me into someone I'm not. I don't drink, smoke or use drugs. I don't go to bars because of the same reason you described. Most of these people are looking for a good time. Real relationships are messy and to affect your life. I think this guy knows that too well. That's why he has these boundaries. He, like most of us, has been burned before and instead of getting bitter and complaining about it, he's learned from his mistakes. I'm sure there are a few types of people you just won't date. Look I'm 30 and single and I know what your going thru on the dating thing. There are a lot of incompatiable people out there. Notice I didn't say good or bad because I know my ideas are limited by my experience, personal tastes and assumptions. Next time you go out looking for a guy, keep in mind all you need is someone who is compatible with you. If you don't like the boundaries people use to filter out the incompatible people then I they just aren't for you. Move on. Complaining about it won't help you fing Mr. Right For You.
-X
What's interesting is that when I read his ad it sounded like he was bitter and complaining. I only threw in a couple of lines, you would not really have gotten that impression from such a small sample. I'll be honest, I do get frustrated sometimes and need to blow off a little of that steam so I can move on. I've found a great place to do it - my ridiculous rambling blog.
I hear what you're saying and I do know this. Everyone is different and looking for different things in a partner/lover/relationship. At the root of most of it is people want to feel loved and appreciated - in whatever form that takes for them. I agree with you on something else, I think people constantly look outside themselves for happiness and I agree that the media, Hollywood, and advertisers have brainwashed the masses. I'm just as brainwashed as anyone and it's a constant struggle not to believe the programming.
Bottom line, this guy is not for me. Call it whatever you want but I do not want to be with someone who has such a volume of restrictions that I would constantly be worried about accidentally stepping outside the lines. But that's just me, someone else might find him refreshing.
It was interesting to read your different interpretations.
I thought he sounded like the kind of man who isn't really that interested in finding anyone to share his life. It sounds like he is just going through the motions, and not keen on changing his life enough to fit another person in it. He sounds like a taker not a sharer.
Yeah, I think you might have something there. He's not really leaving any possible opening.
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