I've Lost My Lunatic

I've been away for awhile so I decide to go check in with my buddy Lunatic to see if he's still getting laid more often than any human has a right to (bartender in New Orleans, you do the math) and his link gets me nowhere! I'm distressed! I've sent him an email, we'll see if he's completely dropped off the face of the earth or if he just got bored talking about his sexual conquests.

I was just thinking, does *anyone* think Paris Hilton is sexy? Have you seen her new commercial? Maybe I've completely lost touch. I freely admit that this is possible as I'm in my mid-thirties now but really, is Paris Hilton sexy to anyone? If I was a guy I'd be worried about catching something from her, not to mention that bony ass she has.

Now why do I go and do that, be all bitchy like that. Paris Hilton hasn't done anything to me, who am I to judge her and say mean things about her. It only fucks up my karma. But seriously people, is this really the standard of beauty we want our daughters to aspire to? I thought it was a mess when I was a teenager but it's 1000x worse now. This whole country needs about 10 years of serious therapy. We have major body issues, hang-ups with our sexuality and we're either starving ourselves or we're 100 pounds overweight. This is not a healthy nation. I'm no exception here, I certainly have my issues but I'm in therapy. Sometimes I think a little Zoloft or Prozac would be nice but I really want to see if I can stay off those kinds of pharmaceuticals. I prefer my drugs to come out of the ground.

You know what, *I* am the lunatic. I clearly need more to drink and smoke . . .