"It's Hard Work!" ~President George W. Bush

Well, the first debate is over and the janitors are probably sweeping the floor right now. What did I hear? Apparently George W. Bush wants us all to know what a difficult job it is being President of the United States of America. I started counting the number of times he said it and then lost interest because he said it so many times.

I agree, I think it is a hard job and I think we should give poor George a nice long rest. How about we schedule it to start in January 2005? After all, speech therapy every day to try and learn how to properly pronounce N-U-C-L-E-A-R is exhausting. Not to mention having to remember all the talking points (I swear, if he would have talked about Kerry's "mixed messages" one more time, I might have hurled the TV out the window).

One of the things I noticed was that Bush didn't say anything. He didn't offer any clear plan for cleaning up the MessOPotamia (thanks Jon!). In fact, he isn't even able to admit to any of the obvious mistakes that were made in this whole mess. He just kept rambling on about how Kerry had voted for the war and now he was changing his mind about it. Or how could Kerry possibly lead the war on terror if he thinks the war on Iraq is the "wrong war at the wrong time." "How do you think that makes the troops feel," he asked (multiple times I might add).

Well, George, maybe it makes them feel like someone is finally paying attention? Like someone might have realized that invading Iraq in the way we did was a "colossal mistake." Especially since Iraq had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks on the US. And now we have a complete cluster fuck because we've destabilized the whole area so badly that no one seems to be able to get a handle on it. More soldiers are dying every month, more insurgents are pouring into Iraq, more violence in general is taking place. It's a complete fucking disaster. Yet the President stands there an smiles as if everything is just fine and it's all a raging success because we caught Saddam Hussein.

And where is Osama bin Laden. He's like the fucking "Where's Waldo" of terrorism. I also noticed that the President didn't say a damn word in response to Kerry's assertion that the oil buildings were the only buildings being guarded at the beginning (not the chemical plants). Nor did he respond to the Halliburton comment. Silence is always very telling.

I think my favorite moment was when Kerry reminded everyone of the President saying in one of his responses that the war in Iraq was in response to their attack on the US; when in actuality, Iraq had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11. And also when Kerry brought up exactly what Papa Bush had said years ago about not going into Baghdad. It was an excellent point, one I'm hoping Democratic commentators bring up often.

In general, Bush seemed mostly on the defensive. He never seemed to say anything about what his plan was for anything. He kept throwing out those talking points and that was about all he said. BTW, North Korea is our next utter disaster. Bush blew it by blowing them off and now we may be fucked. I do hope I'm wrong.

We will never truly resolve this global situation (and it IS a GLOBAL situation) without a lot of help from our friends - we cannot possibly do it alone. One of the dangers of being a bully is that if the people you've been bullying ever realize they're not as powerless as they think they are, you're screwed. Because you can't fight everyone at once, no matter how big you are. So here we are, the biggest bully on the block and we're nearly spent just trying to manage the quagmire in Iraq. We are clearly vulnerable and since we've been such bullying assholes, there are several people in line to shove a little humility down our throat. We need to increase our street cred or it will be our undoing. I don't believe the countries of the world will ever accept or believe George W. Bush and as long as he is President, we will be generally on our own (no disrespect to the good people of Palau but they're not exactly in our league when it comes to miltary force).

Of course a Bush supporter probably thinks Bush did an excellent job. That's the way of things I guess. I wonder what people who were truly undecided got out of the debate. They may be the only ones able to be truly objective because they haven't bought the line on either side. In truth, those are the people who will decide this election. I think John Kerry helped himself tonight. I do hope I'm right about that.

Let the Games Begin!

Here we go boys are girls, the debate starts in just a few minutes. Everyone have their popcorn? Junior Mints? Hot Tamales? Red Vines? Colossal soda? It will probably be quite the show. Let's count the number of mispronunciations together, shall we?

Volcanic Inquietude

Here in the great northwest we are currently experiencing what they call "Volcanic Unrest." I know this because I received a Notice of Volcanic Unrest memo. Apparently the volume of seismic activity has the super geeks at USGS a wee nervous about our friend Helen. Fair enough, I trust them on this. But it got me to thinking about Volcanic Unrest.

If you look up "unrest," the definition you get care of Merriam-Webster online is: a disturbed uneasy state. I'm not sure what that would mean exactly with respect to a volcano. Why is it disturbed and uneasy? Is it angry? Are you sure it's not just "mildly agitated?" Has it really progressed to a full state of unrest already?

It makes you wonder how they chose the word unrest. Other words they could have used: disquiet, disquietude, ferment, inquietude, restiveness, restlessness, turmoil. Maybe what they think is unrest is really just fermenting or turmoil. Somehow those sound a little less disconcerting than "unrest."

Actually, I've noticed now that we have been upgraded to a Volcanic Advisory since yesterday. Wow, this must be pretty serious if it's now an "Advisory." That's the third of four levels. Guess what level four is . . . *BOOM*

Apparently they are thinking it may only be a "small eruption." This is because the volcano is only emitting a small amount of gas. Well, that's why the volcano is unrested! It has gas! Can't we just throw a little Beano down there or something? Maybe a little TUMS? I think we can resolve this "unrest" situation pretty easily. No need for stress and panic. No need to put people into a state of unrest. Just a volcano-sized roll of TUMS and we'll all be fine.

Shameless

I have the most ridiculous crush on this guy at work. He's attractive, sexy as hell, older than me (like, by at least 10 years I think), married and an absolutely shameless flirt. He's a total Peter Pan with an abundance of boyish charm that he, fortunately, points in my direction every time we see each other.

The sexiest thing about him is that there's a certain naughtiness that comes across during our interactions. It's not overt, though someone might pick it up if they were watching us and were astute enough to catch it. It's a certain kind of feeling you get about a guy that tells you he's probably really good in bed. The kind of thing that inspires fantasies of making out with him for hours. A man who understands that sex goes far beyond "insert tab A into slotB . . . repeat."

So, what do I do with this guy? Well, I shamelessly flirt right back. It's doing wonders for my ego and thankfully I don't see him all the time because it could be trouble if I did. Not that I haven't played with married men before but they were just about sex and didn't really mean anything. I like this guy and we work closely enough that it would be a bad idea to get involved beyond our little tete-a-tete's. He sure is great fantasy fodder though . . .

Sex and the City

I've been rewatching the series from the beginning and I'm again being reminded of what a truly exceptional show it was. I knew that when I watched it the first time but I'm enjoying it even more in the rewatching of it. It's like a very comfortable meeting of old friends where you pick up exactly where you left off with no strange readjustment period.

Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte represent such a diverse section of personalities that everyone can kind of find someone to identify with. Of course, lots of us would love to be Samantha, but few actually are. In many ways, Samantha is an icon of female sexuality. She's comfortable with herself, she doesn't apologize for her sexual appetites or experiences, and she's remarkably uninhibited. Her freedom and her confidence inspire me to be more comfortable in my own sexuality (though I have a lot of therapy left before I'm really there).

And there's Mr. Big *swoon*. Chris Noth is just the most delicious dish, I could eat him with hot fudge, whipped cream, nuts and a cherry on top (and I don't really even like cherries). Now, Big is a total bastard, though he redeems himself in the end (he had to or the fans would have rioted in the streets of New York). What is it about those total bastard guys that is so irresistible that we are the proverbial moth to the flame? It's the sex, baby.

You always have hot sex with those bastard guys. They aren't into the prim and proper very clean and sweet sex. No. These are the guys you have nasty, "I can't believe I just did that but ohmigod it was fucking amazing!" kind of sex. They go right through you and you feel like you've been drugged or something. And, in actuality, you *have* been drugged (I'll not get into the whole endorphin cocktail rush of pseudo-opiates that the human body floods the system with during such activities but suffice it to say, it would have an outrageous street price). That high is addicting and we completely lose our ability to see logic and reason until one day we find ourselves watching the phone, praying for him to call. And if you're lucky, this is when your very good girlfriends intervene and get your sorry ass out of the house.

So again I say "BRAVO" Sex and the City for delivering an open and honest dialogue about sex, love, and everything in between. Thank the Goddess for DVD . . .

Cupcake or Biscuit?

I am a proud spinster, happy I've not yet been married but open enough to consider that it might happen someday should I meet someone I don't want to bludgeon after a few dates. I thoroughly enjoy admiring younger men, especially in a place where so many of them jog or bike shirtless :)

While conversing with one of my favorite younger men today, I called a 19 year old former colleague of his a "cupcake." I told him he had passed out of the cupcake stage when he hit 25, he thanked me. Now, sexual harassment issues aside (which didn't even occur to me until after I had said it, D-oh!), what would I call a guy over 25 but younger than me? I decided on "biscuit."

Here's my reasoning.

A cupcake is sweet and fulfilling all on it's own. It has frosting and you can normally eat a few of them before you're really tired of them and need to have something with a little more nutritional value. It's just a meal all by itself and you can appreciate the sweetness of it but you know you can't eat too many or you'll feel sick.

A biscuit can come in any number of fine flavors and you can put butter and/or jam on it or not, it's your choice (personally, I like mine with a little butter and strawberry jam, yummy!). Biscuits can be good for you and they definitely have more nutritional value than a cupcake. You can decide to add the jam or not so there's an opportunity to add sugar if you want/need it but it's not necessarily required.

So what's my point? Well, it's this - cupcake or biscuit, it's all about the sugar.

Jr. High Kissing

Remember when you were in Junior High and getting your first "taste" of french kissing? It was different and scary and exciting and (depending on who you were doing it with) sort of gross. Well, most of us outgrow the gross portion of the equation and learn to enjoy it, enjoy it a lot actually.

Recently I've been dating this guy who doesn't do the french kissing thing and it's the weirdest thing I've encountered in a long time - the man is 34 for God's sake! At first I thought it was just inexperience or shyness but, after the 3rd evening of very dry, very boring kisses, I finally asked about it. "I was never really into that," he says. Which was shortly followed by, "I'm not really into oral sex either."

*BOING* - hold the fucking phone!

"Are you kidding?" "On either side?" I ask. "Oh, well if someone wants to do it, I do like it but because I don't do it, I don't ask for it for myself." HOLY SHIT! Well, I at least give him credit for not being a complete selfish pig, I appreciate that about him.

A little background here, we had just come from Sushi (it was an excellent dinner I might add) where he had eaten octopus. OCTOPUS! And said when he ordered it, "I like to be adventurous." Adventurous? You will eat fucking octopus but you won't stick your tongue in my mouth? I won't eat octopus and I'll put my tongue almost anywhere (almost).

**Now while my last statement may appear to support his decision NOT to put his tongue in my mouth, I want to remind you that you just as nasty as I am, probably worse, so don't even go there.

I don't know about you but those two things together are deal-breakers for me. I could maybe survive without one or the other but both? Forget it, adios, take a walk, it's done. Actually, just the kissing thing might be enough of a deal-breaker and the "no downtown action" adds insult to injury. I'm beginning to understand why this guy is single.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no prize but come on! I know everyone is different and some are more slobbery than others (which, by the way, I do not endorse - saliva management is very important) but how do you not enjoy that? I find kissing to be more intimate than other forms of sex - you're face-to-face breathing life into each other, tasting each other, sharing your souls, it's spectacularly erotic and, if it's good, THE biggest turn-on.

So, my only option is to dump him because while I do kind of like him, I wasn't interested in picking out curtains or anything, it was just a bit of fun. And not very much fun as it turns out. I did give him 3 strikes but after the 3rd shot and still no "satisfaction" and apparently no interest on his part to "finish the job" I've reached the limit. It was entertaining for a while but as my very, very good friend Ace pointed out, "Sex for sex sake is kind of sad, isn't it." Yes, my dear, it certainly is. Adios hombre . . .

Already Screwed Up

It's my first post and I've already screwed up, this does not bode well for my blogging future. I clicked on the wrong button and apparently chose a background template. Ah well, supposedly I can easily change it.

I guess now I'll find out if I really have anything to say . . . well, anything interesting that is. What a lovely self-indulgent exercise it is to click a few buttons and have your words sent out into cyberspace for anyone to review and comment on. It's really rather fun, like therapy without the pricetag.

I am such a pathetic geek, I watched LOTR:ROTK again today for the, I don't know, 10th time. I can't help it, I was housesitting for a friend with an absolutely ridiculous home theatre setup (96" screen with Sony projector and full surround setup) and I just have to take that opportunity when I have it.

It's really sad when the reason you want a bigger home is so that you can have a better home theatre setup. I have a 50" TV, which I really love, but a 96" screen just puts it to shame. Poor pitiful me, huh, having to "make due" with my 50" TV - that's called geek tech envy boys and girls. Though if I was a true geek, I would have my own server for this blog rather than squatting @ BlogSpot.

Happy Sunday Night y'all.